Pregnancy After Salpingectomy

I am just going to continue with my pregnancy story and get it all out this week :)

I found out I was pregnant exactly 7 weeks after my surgery, and I had some pretty mixed reactions. I was, of course, extremely happy, but that was tempered with lots of anxiety. There was no way to know if this pregnancy was ectopic too (once you have an ectopic pregnancy, the likelihood of it happening again is much higher) or if there were complications from being so soon after surgery. My incisions were still sore! I made an appointment the next day with my OB, and due to my history they scheduled me for an immediate ultrasound. I cannot begin to describe the relief I felt when they found the embryo was in the right place! I was only about 4 weeks along, so we weren't able to see a heartbeat, but our baby was definitely there!

The doctor told me that now that we knew the embryo was in the right place, we were out of the woods. There was no reason that this pregnancy should not proceed like normal. This was wonderful to hear, but did nothing for the anxiety I was feeling. I could find very little on the internet about pregnancies after salpingectomies, and my imagination was running wild. I was so concerned that something would happen with the baby, since I felt like my insides were still scrambled eggs.

I was also very fragile emotionally, as I was still dealing with the loss of our second pregnancy and the feelings surrounding a "near death" experience. Add an influx of hormones to that, and the emotional upheaval of finding out you're pregnant, and just imagine the crazy that comes out.

I spent the first trimester in a haze. I was moody, nauseous, and depressed. It feels terrible to share this, but I was so angry about being pregnant again. I didn't have time to mourn my second baby, and already I was supposed to bond with a new one? This pregnancy felt like an impostor, sneaking in during the absence of what was supposed to be my "real" baby. This was a very difficult time for me, as most people can't possibly understand why you aren't happy about a pregnancy so soon after the loss of one. I'm sure I seemed ungrateful for this gift, but that was never the case. I clearly remember thinking that I wished we had a little time in between, so I could move on and be properly grateful for this blessing. But God's timing is perfect, as I have come to find out :)

15 weeks pregnant

We didn't share the news outside of immediate family members until I began my second trimester, and I am so happy we waited. By the second trimester, I was coming out of the fog a little bit and beginning to look forward with happy anticipation. I had a few weeks of feeling great, but then, I slowly began to feel depleted. I was just SO tired, I could barely make myself get out of bed, or go up stairs. There were days that lifting my arms felt like an impossible task.  Around this time, I had my first round of routine blood work at the OB/GYN, and it was discovered that I was extremely anemic. Getting pregnant so soon after such extreme blood loss had completely depleted my iron stores. My doctor prescribed iron supplements, which I immediately began taking. Within hours of taking the first dose, I started vomiting. This continued throughout the day, and happened every time I tried taking the oral supplement, so the doctor told me to discontinue it.

When my iron levels were checked again, they were even lower. The decision was made at this point to begin IV iron infusions. I went to the cancer center once a week for 20 minute infusions. Let me tell you something, friends. It is impossible to be depressed or ungrateful for your situation when you go and sit next to chemo patients once a week. This did so much to change my outlook during this time. These people were some of the bravest, and sickest, I have ever seen. They were amazing to me and made me feel so grateful and blessed for the life I'd been given, the good and the bad.

The iron infusions worked wonderfully, and I started to feel like a real person again. My energy returned, and I was able to truly enjoy my pregnancy for the third trimester. The last few weeks were, of course, interminable and uncomfortable, but that just goes with the territory.

I struggled so much with bonding with my unborn baby for most of the pregnancy. Towards the end, I was happy I was pregnant and looking forward to meeting the baby, but didn't feel that bond that I remember having with D's pregnancy. That's why I was so pleasantly surprised at my wonderful labor experience. I felt so energized after delivery, I was able to stay up all night staring at my beautiful baby. My husband went to sleep, and I just lay in the hospital bed, in the quiet stillness, with her in my arms, memorizing her face. Everything I had been through in the past year had led me to her. Of course, I remember thinking. Of course it's you. I know you. I knew you all along.

Weekend Recap

I had big, idealistic plans for this weekend. I was going to ring in the start of fall with lots of autumnal activities... yet, here I sit, on Sunday night, eating dark chocolate and having accomplished nothing this weekend!

Friday, during our trip to McDonald's Pass, we ran into a big herd of cows, which for some reason was really exciting to me!! Montana is a free range state, meaning that it's legal for cattle to graze anywhere they want, they don't have to be behind a fence. If a cow is in the middle of the road, and you happen to hit it, then it's your fault and you have to pay the rancher for the cow!! So I was pretty excited to finally see the wandering cows in action :)

On Saturday, I had every intention of going to the Farmer's Market. I absolutely love Farmer's Markets; I love to people watch, browse handmade items and simply being outside. I ended up at Walmart instead. Tell me, how does one do that? Walmart, on a Saturday? It's like I was asking for a nervous breakdown. I barely made it out alive with my chili ingredients. As soon as I got home, I got that delicious chili simmering, and that was all she wrote, for the whoooole day. I do so love a good lounge day :)

D discovered Sesame Street, and is quite a fan!

Sunday, we tried a new church! I was impressed, it was D's second time in the nursery and he did great. The service was contemporary, the message was heartfelt, and I felt so welcomed by many people! When I went to get D, he was snuggled up, fast asleep in this nice little old woman's arms. It was the cutest thing... suffice to say he enjoyed church too! I'm excited to get more involved.

And finally, we found D's costume for Halloween! I was having such a hard time decided what I wanted him to be, and I happened to be browsing this little upscale baby consignment store while Hubs and my Dad were obsessing over mountain bikes next door, and I found the cutest little duck costume! We always call D "baby goose" because he makes this hilarious noise that sounds exactly like a goose honk... so I think a duck is pretty fitting! Here's a little sneak peek...

And that was it for the weekend! Not very productive, but it's always fantastic to spend time with my little family. 

How was your weekend??

a little more bookworm

I feel as though lately, this blog has been quite a bit of baby and not so much bookworm. Obviously, D demands much more attention than the novel currently sitting on my nightstand, but I do wish I could carve out a little more time to read. If only I had started this blog while I was pregnant... I would have had a new book review for you every 2 days! 

My last trip to the library was so unsuccessful. I checked out 3 books, as opposed to my usual 7, and only read one of them. I cannot tell you the last time that happened. I kept holding out hope that I would find some time to read the other 2, but then the due date came and went, and I ended up owing the library a whopping $4 in late fees for books I didn't even read. Lame sauce.

This time, I checked out a much more manageable 2 books, and started with this:

Have you ever read a book that just makes you downright angry? I got through Chapter 1 of this book, and threw it across the room in disgust.

 It. is. AWFUL.

 I picked it up because it's about an art dealer, and supposed to be a mystery of sorts, but oh my gosh I feel dumber just having read those first 30 pages. The author writes like you are literally the stupidest person in the world, and every single detail needs to be spelled out for you. I was offended. 

Don't take my word for it, though. Here's a little excerpt:

Now turning to his wife, Marius shook his head and chided lightly, "I told you how beautiful you looked, but you didn't believe me. Now that you've just witnessed Malcolm's stunned reaction, you must know I'm right." 

"I did believe you," she protested, slipping her arm through his, leaning against him. "You're always right."

Clearing his throat, Malcolm interjected, "It's great to be here, and thanks for having me, but now I think I'd better move on, so you can greet your other guests. See you later."

Marius nodded, immediately turned around, and stretched out his hand to welcome some of the newly arriving guests streaming through the door. Malcolm slipped away. [....]

Actually it was Annette's party this evening. She had long planned it for Marius's sixtieth  and she had put a lot of time and effort into it. Just the way Marius had taught her. That was his way. He tended to be a teacher by nature."

Ugh. Just typing that made me angry. 

It's hard to pinpoint what it is, exactly, that makes a book bad. If I had to put my finger on it, especially in this excerpt, it's that everything is laid out for you. There's no reader inference, the author controls your every thought. You aren't able to imagine the characters, or the story unfolding, because the dialogue is too stiff, too contrived. And the characters are entirely too perfect for my taste.

It is a very rare occurrence that I don't finish a book, because I always need to know how it ends, but I cannot even fathom trying to finish this sucker. Ick.

I moved onto library book number 2, called "The Devil in Silver" by Victor Lavalle. I'm only a few chapters in, but sooo much better already. It's about a man who is involuntarily committed to a mental institution, where an actual devil walks the halls at night, feeding on the inmates. Creepyyyy, but I am totally intrigued. 

Look for a review soon!

What have you been reading?

PS. Don't forget to enter to win $20 store credit from Tadpole Tog's Etsy shop! Just like her Facebook page and leave a comment here stating that you did so! The giveaway ends Friday, so hurry scurry!!

15 things nobody told me about being a mom

1. I will have an unidentified wet spot on some part of my clothing at all times. It'll be weird and gross, and people will stare.



2. Talking about poop will no longer be taboo, and I will bring it up at inappropriate times, like during lunch, without a second thought. Sorry in advance.



3. Speaking of poop, I will never again be able to confidently lick chocolate off my fingers.



4. Nothing in this world is more interesting, funny, or cute as my child. He is brilliant and will probably be a child prodigy of some sort. No argument.



5. People will get unbelievably annoyed at the obscene amount of pictures I post of the baby on Instagram and Facebook. See # 4.



6. Logistics will begin to rule my brain. Such as, "How will I eat this large and messy sandwich while holding this squirming baby with a bottle in his mouth, and does he need a diaper change, and how will I fit his stroller in the stall?". Multitasking is key. Also, a third arm would be helpful.



7. 9:00 PM is LATE.



8. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as good as that little boy wrapping his arms around my neck like he'll never let go. He won't have to, because I will always be within arm's reach.



9. I will feel constantly guilty that I'm not working and contributing financially to our household, but the thought of going back to work and putting D in daycare will cause that guilt to multiply by like, a gazillion. It's a no-win situation. I now grasp the concept of "mommy guilt".



10. Diaper genies are death traps, specifically conceived to torture the fragile minds of overworked, exhausted mothers at 4 am.



11. Everything you will feed your baby is disgusting. Those moms that say they try everything their baby eats first? Yeah. Good for you. Formula and rice cereal are probably the nastiest things I've ever tasted.



12. At least once a day, I desperately wish for a kangaroo pouch. It'd be so much easier to just stuff him in a skin pocket than try to strap myself in the baby carrier contraption or unfold the spaceship that is our stroller. Now that I say it out loud, it's kind of strange to wish for a skin pouch and a third arm, but there ya go. Pregnancy does the most ridiculous things to your body, so why can't it add in some helpful additional appendages?



13. Every cough, sneeze, or sniffle is probably cholera. Or malaria. Or dysentery. Your pediatrician's phone number will be on speed dial.



14. Every milestone your child hits feels like winning a gold medal and the Nobel Prize, while eating an ice cream sundae atop a unicorn. It's a good feeling.



15. You will wonder what your life possibly could have meant before this tiny little person came into the world?

I honestly couldn't be happier.