a bookworm and a baby: Roots and Wings

I try to live my life as closely as possible to the quote, "When you want what you have, you have everything you need". It is my life goal to be happy. Not rich, not famous, not crazy successful. To be completely and total fulfilled with life, to wake up every morning knowing what a blessing it is, and to try to make a positive difference in another person's life.

This is sometimes easier said than done.

But, I usually do a pretty good job of it, I think. Sometimes, though, that's not always a good thing. When your goal is to be satisfied with what you have, sooner or later you realize that you aren't moving forward. You've lost your goals and dreams, because you are trying to train yourself to be satisfied with the here and now.

My husband is always talking about his bucket list. The things he wants to see and do in his life, and they are such wonderful dreams. It's amazing, these beautiful, grand goals that he has. It's inspiring, and one of the things I admire most about him. He's always thinking of something new he wants to do, something he wants to see, or accomplish. He asks me all the time what is on my bucket list, and I never really have an answer. I was contemplating these things on a brisk morning walk with D and the pup, and have come to the following conclusion.

I can be satisfied with my life, yet still pursue my dreams and goals.

I know, totally profound. It seems so freaking obvious, but for me, I feel like I've lost it a little over the past few years. The drive to get somewhere, be something, to do something that scares me... it's easy to lose that.

Don't get me wrong. One of my major goals in life was to be a wife and a mother. When I look back on my life, what's going to matter most to me is that I raised my child well, and he is a good person, and I had the most fulfilling relationship with my husband that I could have. One of our goals as a couple was to live by the coast, and we've achieved that. I've done great things already, and I love where I am in my life right now.

But, I feel like I need to have a few goals of my own. I've heard quite a few new mommies talk about how they "lost themselves" when a new baby came along. You become the absolute last priority in your mind, and doing anything for yourself feels like taking it away from someone else. But, that is not necessarily the case. I can be completely focused in the here and now, raising my beautiful son and loving my amazing husband, while holding some of my very own dreams in my heart.

Sunset last night. Breathtaking.

So, to hold myself accountable, I am putting those dreams of mine out there, into the blog-o-sphere. If it's down on paper (or...binary code? Are we in the Matrix?) then I will be able to look back on it, and it will light an extra fire under my booty.

So, here we go...

ASHLEY'S AMAZINGLY AWESOME BUCKET LIST

(too much?)

1. Get my Master's degree in Health Care Administration. I'd like to have a career once my babies don't need me anymore :)

2. Learn to surf. Hubby is currently in the process of doing this, and it looks like so much fun. While I absolutely love the beach, I hate. the. ocean. I refuse to put my feet down, for fear of stepping on some little sea creature, or getting my leg bit off by a shark. So, learning to surf would put me waaay outside my comfort zone, and I think it would be such a rush!